NB: this post is for people who are on board with wanting to erase insulting language from their own personal lexicons. If you’re going to argue the toss about “politically correct language ZOMG you won’t be able to say anything soon” – this isn’t the place. This might be a good place to start.
I think some people are just starting to get their head around the fact the language they use sometimes has meanings they didn’t intend.
For example, saying someone is “crazy” to mean that you’re unhappy with the way they’re acting, you think they’re making no sense or they’re being unpleasant is ableist. You’re saying the person is acting like they’re mentally ill, and that to be mentally ill is synonymous with unpleasant and nasty. Which is insulting to people who are mentally ill, usually a specific type of mental illness. (And “crazy” can be a pejorative term all by itself; one thing for mentally ill people to reclaim the term “crazy” – another for people who aren’t mentally ill to use it.)
There’s something I’ve noticed recently, mainly in internet arguments but also “in real life”.
You’re acting like a child!
My two year old makes more sense than you.
You’re behaving like a spoilt brat.
Stop being so childish!
And so on. Thing is – sorry – but this isn’t okay. What they’re trying to say of course is “you’re acting ridiculously/ badly behaved / irrationally / etc.” but by invoking the child, they’re implying children are bad, ridiculous, badly behaved, irrational etc. Spoilt brat and other phrases like that are particularly bad as they’re not only using “child” to mean “bad” but the phrase itself is out and out child hate. (General rule? If it sounds like something an abuser might say to a child? It’s child hate.)
Comparing oppressions is often a bad idea, but if you’re a member of the oppressed group you’re using as a comparison, I think that’s a different kettle of fish. So here goes:
You’re acting like a woman!
My wife makes more sense than you.
You’re behaving like a nasty bitch.
Stop being such a girl!
Do you get what I’m saying now? So can we knock it off? Thanks.
October 16, 2009 at 10:18 pm
I think it would be fine if people saying “You’re acting like a child.” meant “You’re full of wonder at the world.”. But, of course, they don’t. I also think it’s important to note that we reverse these statements with children but still mean the same things. Telling a child “You’re so grown up.” means that the child is being “well-behaved”/”rational”/controlled. By telling children that sort of thing we teach them early that being a child is bad.
October 27, 2009 at 10:10 am
hmmmm..it really makes me thinks about me and my life
November 7, 2009 at 9:19 pm
[...] vow I need to reiterate is to not to say my kids are driving me crazy. It’s not nice, either to them or to people who really suffer from mental health issues or [...]
January 2, 2010 at 5:32 am
I tend to be suspicious of any accusations especially if they end in exclamation points, but I spend a lot of time with people on the periphery of adulthood because of my job and I often describe them as childish to myself, my colleagues and to them. I don’t mean to say that they are bad, but that they are being something they shouldn’t be…someone not fully responsible for their actions, someone who is passive in the way that the events of their lives unfold.
I would never call someone a “spoiled brat” or accuse them of having the reasoning capacity of a two-year old. I do expect adults not to act like children — people not actively engaged in the project of being responsible for who they are and what they do. The badness is in their failure to be what they are not in the thing compared. The analogy to women doesn’t hold for me, because I don’t know what you might think a woman is that makes you being something you’re not supposed to when you act like them.
This is interesting because I am moved by lots of these types of arguments — about women, gays, racial minorities, the elderly and those who aren’t able-bodied, Christian etc., but here it isn’t working for me. I am very curious as to why.