Comments on: First Time Mum http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/ Motherhood with a feminist slant. Mon, 26 Mar 2012 23:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Annika http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-450 Mon, 01 Jun 2009 23:34:10 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-450 Thanks Ruth xxx

]]> By: Annika http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-449 Mon, 01 Jun 2009 23:33:43 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-449 “Being a mother is such an amazingly powerful thing to be able to be, no wonder society does its best to disempower us. The thought of strong, powerful, capable mothers is too scarey.”

I love that. Thank you

]]> By: Ruth Moss http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-447 Mon, 01 Jun 2009 17:17:26 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-447 “My health visitor was charmed and amused to see my ex-husband still dithering over how to change a nappy on a four month old baby. Just imagine how a mother would be treated who hadn’t learned that skill within 24 hours of birth.”

Oh yes, that. Exactly that. And Annika you know where I am if you need me. XXXX

]]> By: Caren http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-446 Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:45:23 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-446 Dear Annika
Congrats. It sounds like you are doing well. Childbirth is a big shock. What is this big conspiracy that makes women feel like failures if we (a) resort to pain relief (b) have a caesarean (c) don’t breastfeed (d) don’t slim down to pre-pregnancy weight within weeks (e) don’t fall instantly in love with our baby. My health visitor was charmed and amused to see my ex-husband still dithering over how to change a nappy on a four month old baby. Just imagine how a mother would be treated who hadn’t learned that skill within 24 hours of birth.
I felt totally overwhelmed at the responsibility of looking after this little being and couldn’t feel much of the joy and self-congratulation that relatives could feel. How could you be proud if you haven’t had the perfect birth and have a baby who’s on the perfect centile for everything from day one?
It takes a while for the penny drop for most new mothers but I worked out eventually that there are two sorts of mothers: the “perfect” ones and the honest ones and it is healthy to hang out only with the honest ones.
Being a mother is such an amazingly powerful thing to be able to be, no wonder society does its best to disempower us. The thought of strong, powerful, capable mothers is too scarey.

]]> By: Annika http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-443 Sun, 31 May 2009 17:49:18 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-443 It was the same with my daughter, she was sucking for hours, so I thought she was feeding. When we came home, my midwife weighed her a few days later. My baby had gone from 6lb 13oz to 5lb 6oz. My midwife gave me 2 days to try and put some weight on her, or my daughter would have had to go back to hospital. I didn’t have any faith in me breastfeeding after that, felt so so guilty.

Your daughter is obviously doing very well!

Thank you for reading :)

]]> By: Annika http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-442 Sun, 31 May 2009 17:44:48 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-442 Congrats! I think the last few weeks of my pregnancy dragged, I couldn’t wait to get my daughter out, lol. Hope this has helped you in some way?

Good luck for the birth! :)

]]> By: Annika http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-441 Sun, 31 May 2009 17:42:19 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-441 Thank you for reading,Deborah. It is a very tough time and think it has been a bit of a shock for the system.
Since I’ve started talking about it, have been offered alot of support. :)

]]> By: Imogen Howson http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-440 Sat, 30 May 2009 21:50:53 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-440 I think that writing this sort of post is exactly what’s needed to help other expectant parents. Becoming a parent is hard–you expect so much of yourself and society expects so much of you (and is deeply unforgiving when you “fail”)–and no matter how prepared you think you are you can be knocked sideways by that one thing you didn’t expect.

My first baby wouldn’t latch on properly. She sucked on my nipple for hours and hours and hours but got hardly any milk because she wasn’t doing it properly. So then my milk failed to come in, and she was crying and hungry, and on the second night in hospital the midwife told me I’d have to use formula. I began to cry–I’d had no sleep for two nights, and I was determined to breastfeed–and the midwife laughed at me (for which I will never forgive her).

So I mixed fed my daughter, supplementing the meagre supply of breastmilk with formula, and using a nipple shield to help her to latch on (and to slightly ease the excruciating pain).

And the guilt, and the feeling that I’d failed her, made me want to die. She’s thirteen now (very healthy, very tall, very beautiful, so clearly no damage was done!) but I’ll never forget how awful those first few days were.

Oh, and great blog, btw. :-)

]]> By: Alex T http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-439 Sat, 30 May 2009 15:56:45 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-439 Thank you for sharing this, it’s very brave. My first is due in two weeks and readng it has served as a warning to me not to get my expectations up too much, so something good has come out of it!

Hope things continue to get better for you.

]]> By: Deborah http://mothersforwomenslib.com/2009/05/30/first-time-mum/#comment-436 Sat, 30 May 2009 02:57:57 +0000 http://feministmums.wordpress.com/?p=251#comment-436 As you say, Annika, this is so common. I didn’t believe in love at first sight, until I watched my partner in the delivery room, holding our daughter in his arms and singing to her. He fell in love with her straight away. It took much longer for me, weeks and weeks, I think because it was an exhausting delivery, and I was a little numb.

We had a reverse experience with our younger daughters. He took much longer to warm up, and I just loved them straight away.

Those first few weeks and months with your first baby can be very hard, for all of you. You are tired, and trying so hard to look after a new baby, and in the middle of a very steep learning curve, and at the same time you end up renegotiating your relationship with your partner, and renegotiating your understanding of yourself. It’s a very tough time. Take all the help you can get!

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