Were you asked about domestic violence, when you were pregnant?
I wasn’t.
My doctor didn’t ask me, when I had told her the news. At the booking clinic, it was never mentioned, not even when I was alone with the midwife. A pregnancy support worker offered all sorts of help, but domestic violence support wasn’t there. When I went to the hospital for both my scans, it was never approached by anybody. I changed midwife, after moving home, and as great as the new one is, she has yet to ask me about domestic violence. It’s not been raised in my antenatal or relaxation class, and my midwife didn’t ask me the other day when she visited me at home. In fact, I am almost 37 weeks pregnant now, and nobody has asked me the big question.
I mean, I’m not experiencing domestic violence. But they don’t know that if they don’t ask me, do they?
30% of domestic violence either starts or escalates during pregnancy. Yes, you read that right.
Here’s another one for you. One in five midwives knows one of their expectant mothers is experiencing domestic violence. In fact, one in five midwives sees at least one woman a week, who she suspects is experiencing domestic violence.
Domestic violence increases the risk of miscarriage, infection, premature birth, low birth weight, foetal injury and foetal death.
When you read domestic violence, don’t just think about the physical aspect of it. That’s just one part of it. You have to include emotional, mental, sexual and financial abuse as well, all of which a woman could be experiencing, if in a violent relationship. You don’t have to be experiencing all of it, to be affect ted by domestic violence. How about if this pregnancy is unwanted? You were raped and forced to conceive, and this pregnancy is just another way the perpetrator has demonstrated power over you? What if you wanted this baby, but every time the partner hits you, the bump becomes the target?
And when you go to the midwife, you may have a few minutes alone, there’s your chance to tell, but you are too scared. Or you don’t know what to say. Or if she will care. Or will he find out? Be so much easier if she asked wouldn’t it? As a routine question, of course, considering how domestic violence could affect your health and your baby. Be so much easier to answer a question, than to start that sentence.
But I wasn’t asked. Made me wonder how many other women aren’t asked. How many of those women are experiencing domestic violence? I know I’m not, but I would have like to be asked. Because mine could be a life that could be lost. Remember, two women are killed a week by a current or ex partner.
Just because I’m not displaying the stereotypical black eye, does not mean I am not getting raped at home, or forced to do sexual acts I don’t want to do. Just because I turn up to all my appointments, does not mean I’m not being timed, and if I’m too long I will get it. Whatever ‘it’ might be. Just because I’m pregnant, don’t assume I’m happy with it and wasn’t forced to conceive. I should be asked, as every woman should be asked, if I am experiencing domestic violence. I could be in that 30% and my child could be at risk.
You know what I did, when I went to my second hospital appointment? I went into the toilets and stuck helpline stickers on the back of the doors. I had some leaflets with me, which I left in the waiting area. I figured that if it wasn’t safe for a woman to pick up a leaflet, when she goes to the toilet (for that inevitable urine sample) she can have safe access to a helpline number. A free helpline number. A woman affected by domestic violence may see that number and call it. She may never call it. She may mesmerise it, and call it in 6 months. She may give it to a friend or family member, who might call it. Point is it’s there. Much better than it not being there at all.
Knowing that 30% of domestic violence starts or increases during pregnancy, and I haven’t been asked about domestic violence once, is frightening. This could be the one opportunity where someone could help. I may not know of Women’s Aid, or Refuge, or that the perpetrator’s behaviour towards me is anything other than ‘normal’. My life and my child’s life could be at risk. It isn’t, but my midwife doesn’t know that if she doesn’t ask, does she?
Further information on domestic violence: www.womensaid.org.uk www.refuge.org.uk
April 8, 2009 at 8:59 pm
I’ve had four pregnancies and have never been asked. It never occured to me that they should.
April 8, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Wow Annika, what a post – what a first post! I can see I’m going to enjoy having you around. I have to be honest and admit I have never once thought about the possibility of domestic violence and pregnancy even being in the same sentence, and you’ve just opened my eyes and given me some serious food for thought. Thanks for an excellent, thoughtful post.
April 9, 2009 at 3:41 am
I was asked. Both times. I’m glad I was. Everyone should be asked.
Fortunately and unfortunately, women in Canada can have their partner with them at prenatal appointments and most of them seem to. I didn’t. I went on my own, except to the ultrasound because my husband wanted to see the baby. I think it is great when dad’s want to be involved, but it also makes it more difficult for a health care provider to ask those tough questions if the guy is always there.
April 9, 2009 at 8:36 am
I was asked, at both my booking in appointments and at the health visitor newborn visit at 2-3 weeks postpartum. I knew that pregnancy often escalates DV but I didn’t realise to what extent. How horrendous. Great post Annika!
April 9, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Fab post Annika!
No, I was never asked. Not once.
April 9, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Thank you for reading!
Hopefully the health visitor will ask me, once the baby is here, eh?
It’s not always safe to ask, of course, especially if the partner is present. But there are ways around it.
The organisation I work for did a pilot in a hospital a few years ago. In the toilets, they put some red stickers on the back of the door. Women were encouraged to stick a red sticker on the bottom of their urine sample, if they were experiencing domestic violence. It worked.
I’m sure it’s government protocol for expectant mothers to be asked by health professionals.
April 11, 2009 at 6:44 am
That red sticker idea sounds excellent. Should be rolled out across the country.
April 15, 2009 at 8:58 pm
No, I was never asked. Knowing it’s meant to be routine part of antenatal care (I’ve worked with domestic abuse organisations a bit), I thought I wasn’t asked because my partner is a woman (and raged about it, too, because same-sex partner abuse is even more invisible). No, I’m not suffering abuse, but nobody asked.
April 20, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Training is currently ongoing in the NHS to have midwives ask this question. However, it’s a bit of a difficult thing to raise. I was asked in an oblique sort of way. In fact, I was the subject of domestic violence at the time in each of my three pregnancies but I’d have denied to anybody who asked for fear of reprisals when it came out. My husband used to tell me I was an unfit mother and that he would ensure the children were taken away from me if I ever told anyone about the violence. In my scared state, I believed him. Silly thing is given the way the courts and Social Services treat domestic violence victims, it turns out he was half right in any case. Midwives are also being trained now to ask a woman if she has suffered childhood sexual abuse as giving birth can be particularly traumatic time for anyone who has suffered this.
But whether the training will be rolled out successfully is another matter and whether having CSA survivor put on the front of your medical notes will make you feel doctors are treating you differently and pigeon-holing you is another.
Horrific as the 100 deaths per year of women by their partners and ex partners is, I find the statistic that 500 women (mainly mothers) a year commit suicide within 6 months of reporting domestic violence even worse. Imagine the plight of these women, losing all hope that they will get the help they need.
The HOme Office has a consultation on domestic violence at the moment. It’s well worth reading and commenting on.
April 27, 2009 at 6:09 pm
[...] Domestic Violence and Pregnancy « Mothers For Women’s Lib Knowing that 30% of domestic violence starts or increases during pregnancy, and I haven’t been asked about domestic violence once, is frightening. This could be the one opportunity where someone could help. I may not know of Women’s Aid, or Refuge, or that the perpetrator’s behaviour towards me is anything other than ‘normal’. My life and my child’s life could be at risk. It isn’t, but my midwife doesn’t know that if she doesn’t ask, does she? (tags: domesticviolence gender relationships parents) [...]