When you become a mother, you often feel shut out; not just metaphorically but literally. If you’re a pram user, buses often won’t let you on. If you want a cup of tea in your local Weatherspoons, but have a child with you, you have to buy a full-price meal otherwise you’re out on your ear. If you should commit the heinous crime of fancying a light ale avec infant you’re incredibly limited to where you can go.

And then there are the places that don’t shut you out, but don’t exactly go out of their way to welcome you either. Think of how many restaurants there are that allow children… but only have one or two high chairs, and no baby change facility. If you want to warm a bottle you’re told no, for “health and safety”. How many shops with tight aisles down which you struggle to push a pram. If your child is acting normally just think of how many glares you get. And if you show more than the permitted amount of breast (or heaven forbid, nipple) when nursing, how many heads shake and how many tuts do you hear?

What would the world look like if children were truly welcome?

Various parts of continental Europe seem friendlier towards children than the UK. I was lucky enough to finally visit continental Europe myself this summer (Mandelieu, near Cannes) and saw first hand the difference in attitude I’ve often heard about from other holiday-goers.

As an example, my son got pretty upset and started screaming at one point in a café. But unlike most cafés I’ve been in in the UK, it was completely different. No nasty glares or stares; in fact, just the opposite. The looks I got were sympathetic, and more than that, a waiter and waitress actually came over to the table together to try and cheer my son up, pulling faces and singing silly songs! And this wasn’t a café marketed as “child friendly”; it didn’t have a beer garden with a playground in it, or a ball pool next to the pool table. Just a normal, run of the mill café.

Having said all that, however, there wasn’t a high chair in sight, and no baby changing facilities either. But the attitude of the staff and the other café-goers made a huge difference. For example, when time came to change him, I had to do it on the floor of the toilet. Yet I was offered a towel to put on the floor by one of the staff. I felt completely welcome; not at all shut out just because I was a mother.

And yet I’ve been in places here in the UK – certain supermarkets spring to mind – with baby changing equipment, high chairs in the café and wide aisles for extra large trollies / prams where I couldn’t have felt less welcome if there had been a big sign up outside saying “no mothers”.

So in answer to what the world would look like if children were truly welcome, I think the answer is, not that much different than it does now. At least not to start. But the attitudes of people would be different. And the people who would benefit from this primarily (after the children themselves, of course)? Mothers. Sometimes fathers, but it’s usually (rightly or wrongly; subject of plenty of future blog posts I’m sure) Mothers. Or other carers… who are usually female. And as attitudes changed, so would facilities. But attitudes have to come first.

Which leads me onto the personal.

I live in Merseyside, just outside of Liverpool, and often visit my local Capital of Culture. I am from Liverpool and apart from a brief stint in London a few years ago, have spent most of my life either in or around the city; I even went to Liverpool University.

When I was at uni, and in fact even prior to that, I used often to visit a radical bookshop called News from Nowhere. It sold books you just couldn’t get anywhere else (I went to uni in the days before the internet was as commonplace as it is now) including a huge section of feminist texts. In fact News from Nowhere was where I fuelled my love of the Virago publishing label, along with The Women’s Press. I remember browsing shelves looking out for the munched apple, or the iron, knowing it was my ticket to something I could immerse myself in.

And I vaguely noticed a children’s section. But until I had a child, I hadn’t realised just how fantastic it was.

This Saturday, I took my little boy along to News from Nowhere for the first time. There is an entire corner of the shop devoted to children’s books, with many for babies and toddlers. There are well-loved books from yours and my childhood, in addition to folk tales from around the world, stories about working Mums, introducing children to concepts of -isms and how to deal with them, telling children about how other children live in the rest of the world, books about animals and endangered species, books about same-sex parents, single parents, adoptive parents and more, books for dealing with life changes from school to puberty to the death of a relative… and much, much more.

There is a small box of toys which could do with a little wash (next time I go in I’m taking some disposable baby wipes with me to wash them) and a lovely comfy chair with a cushion.

I sat down to nurse my son in complete comfort – with no fear that I would be urged to cover up or urged to be “discreet” – I then read him a book, several times – and then settled him down to sleep. I then left him sleeping on the cushion, tucked up in a cuddle with my sling, while I got on with the business of browsing. I felt he was completely safe; the staff did not seem at all concerned that there was a toddler asleep in the corner of their bookshop. They had not been concerned he had been walking all over the books that other people would buy.

And goodness I spent some money. I bought three books, a magazine, a postcard, a poster and some calendular soap. Oh and made a donation for the two cups of (fair trade, not nestlé) coffee I drank. Oh and asked to set up a monthly standing order.

And all because the place was so welcoming. And I thought that of all the radical things about that bookshop, that was one of the most radical. Because so few places here in the UK are like this. And where you don’t welcome children, you push carers (nearly always women) aside too. But – if anyone in big business is reading – where you welcome children, you welcome women too. And their money, and repeat custom, and their friends’ money and repeat custom.

But welcoming children doesn’t start with high chairs and baby change units (though these are good). It starts with a radical shift in attitudes.

Ruth

Edited to add: unfortunately News from Nowhere is no longer as inclusive as it was when I wrote this. See here for further details.

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