What a slogan!

Not for girls.

Not for boys.

We make clothes for children.

I love this slogan. It sums up everything I want in a clothing store for my child. We gender children’s clothing way before there is much in the way of difference between body shapes, to the extent that even clothing that we might describe as “neutral” (no bows and ribbons; no skulls and crossbones) is gendered by the colour it is (olive green for boys, pale yellow for girls, for example; even blue clothing, for example, has a “girl” shade and a “boy” shade), and vice versa (and orange top, for example, will be marked as “girl” or “boy” by either a subtle puffing up of the sleeves or a small car motif, for example). And it will be gendered, in most shops, by actually putting clothes in different aisles according to gender. (In my local Asda, for example, “boy” and “girl” clothes are even separated by the service counter!) And I’m sick of it and have been sick of it for a long time. (Also, lest we forget, “boy” and “girl” are not the only two genders in the world; we also don’t know for certain that our female assigned child is a girl, and our male assigned child is a boy, until they tell us, which relies on them having the words and us listening. So talking about “children” makes much more sense!)

So in terms of slogan and the idea behind it, Polarn O. Pyret gets my vote. Also in terms of placement within online store; clothes are sorted by type (trouser, dress, top, etc) rather than by gender. This is exactly how I want to search for clothes for my child; does he need a new pair of trousers? Let’s look at trousers then; rather than having to sort by boy or by girl, I can get the full range and choose for myself.

The clothes also look to be of a good quality; outdoorsy, rough and tumble clothes rather than decorative (actually, I don’t have a problem with decorative, and most children enjoy self-adornment; it’s when it’s limited to one gender that I’ve a problem).

The only drawback? The price. And here’s the thing; once again, being able to afford to support a shop with such important ideals, being able to dress your child in good quality, ethically sourced clothing, is very much the privilege of those with a certain amount of money. For example, should I want to buy my child a pair of trousers, I’m looking at over thirty quid. I couldn’t even justify spending thirty quid on a pair of kecks for myself, let alone a child that’s going to grow out of them in about a year’s time.

I do understand why places like this are expensive; it’s not cheap to be ethical, it’s not cheap to care about who makes the clothes you sell and it isn’t cheap to care about where the material in your clothes comes from. I get that; I’m glad they exist even though they’re way out of my price range. I hope parents (and anyone who buys clothes for children) with money will support this store as much as possible.

What doesn’t cost a company money, however, is having a unisex slogan like Polarn O. Pyret; it also doesn’t cost money to sort clothes by size and type rather than by gender. I hope the kind of companies I can afford to shop at follow suit. I might even add one or two bought pieces to my child’s lovely pre-loved hand-me-down collection then!

Welcome to the twelfth edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting!

Sorry it’s late – I intended to get working on it on Saturday but my computer’s graphics card chose that day for its capacitor to burst open rendering my entire PC useless! Thankfully my partner came to the rescue, bought and installed a new graphics card and I’m now able to get on with the Carnival. Unfortunately life has been very busy (as it always is with kids around!) so this is the first moment I’ve had available to sit down and properly work on it. So my deepest apologies for the tardiness, I hope you’ll all forgive me!

I’m ashamed to say it’s a lazy Carnival this time round; usually I write a sentence or two describing what each post is about but I simply do not have the spoons. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that it’s a bumper issue this time around – I believe I’ve had nearly seventy submissions! So make sure you have a couple of hours spare, make yourself a nice cup of tea and sit down to enjoy all the wonderful pieces included in this edition.

Pregnancy and Childbirth

Adoption

Bodily Autonomy

Reproductive Freedom

Breastfeeding

Gender Stereotypes

Motherhood

Fatherhood

Fat and Sizeism

Employment Choices

News and Media

Race and Racism

Disability and Ableism

Sex and Sexuality

Sex Education

Children’s Rights

Miscellaneous

That concludes this edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting, I hope you’ve enjoyed it! Submit your (or someone else’s) blog post or article to the next edition using our carnival submission form or by sending a Twitter message to @m4wl. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our carnival home page.

I’ve been a bit grumpy since I got home from the doctor.  OH assumed it was from the speculum prodding, but when I growled at an old man who gave me a funny look, I got asked ‘What is the matter with you anyway?’

I didn’t want to tell him because it was embarrassing.  Eventually admitted that a rather nosey middle aged woman outside the doctors surgery had said something that had got my back up.  The gem I got from her, as I was smoking a cigarette was ‘You shouldn’t smoke when you’re pregnant’.

This had the quadruple whammy of being OFFENSIVE, JUDGEMENTAL, WRONG and also just plain NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS.

I gave her a withering look and informed her that actually, I’m not pregnant, just fat.  It will forever irritate me that some people seem to have the idea that women cannot possibly be allowed to be fat unless they are pregnant.  I also told her that I have two health conditions which cause my stomach to be bloated, and that comments such as hers didn’t particularly help.  I then continued on to say that in fact, it was none of her damn business even if I was pregnant and smoking, because she’s a complete stranger and it has nothing to do with her.

I don’t think people should smoke when they are pregnant.  However, being pregnant was a very stressful time physically and emotionally for me, and it would be been quite understandable for me to have a cigarette, which I still didn’t do.  I may have the occasional wibble when I see a pregnant woman smoking, but I remind myself of several important facts.

-Firstly, it really is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.  It’s not up to me to tell strangers what to do.

-It could be her only cigarette of the day.  She could be quitting or cutting down.  Maybe she’s decided that one cigarette a day is a good compromise when she’s previously been smoking 40 a day and the one that she has stops her wanting to put peoples head through windows.  Both pregnancy and quitting smoking make you want to do those things, combined isn’t going to be much fun.

-I have no idea what stress she’s under, what her life is like, if her pregnancy is easy or if she is suffering.  It’s not up to me to judge peoples coping mechanisms.

I would much prefer people didn’t smoke when they are pregnant.  However, your lungs filter out most of the toxins as does the placenta, so I’m not going to begrudge someone a cigarette, no matter how many people turn their nose up at this.  Women who smoke FREQUENTLY AND REGULARLY are at risk of complications with themselves and a baby.  But one cigarette is not frequently or regularly, and you cannot assume this from a chance meeting on the street.  Even if you can see someone smoking a lot, maybe sat in the garden of a pub or a club, it still remains none of your damn business (as well as all the other points above).

Above and beyond this, I am amazed and horrified at the absolute GALL of some people.  I would never presume to comment in this fashion because my delicate sensibilities were offended by something they were doing, unless it was extremely dangerous/immoral/unsanitary/illegal.  I accost people that let their dogs shit on the floor and make no pretence that they are going to clean it up.  I take issue with people being violent to each other in public.  I get annoyed at people that pee in alleyways or puke in the street when they are drunk.

But people, whether or not YOU like it, a pregnant person still has her own mind, her own personality, her own body and her own choices.  She still exercises control over these things and she doesn’t become a walking incubator, subject to the whims, orders and opinions of others when she decides to bear children.  Smoking when pregnant is not illegal.  So if you see it and get your frown on, remember it’s none of your damn business and walk away.

The only person whose choices you control are yours.  Don’t want to smoke when you are pregnant?  Fine then, don’t.  But you’re not such a special snowflake that you get the deciding vote over what other human beings are allowed to do.

I can’t believe I forgot to post this here at the time!

I wrote a post for The F Word titled How do you teach a child about sex? discussing the ways in which I am doing sex education with my young son and asking readers how they’re doing the same. So far the conversation there has been great, and I’d love to hear your input too. :)

I have a new post up over at The F Word, discussing how I’m attempting to raise my son in a feminist manner and asking how readers are trying to do the same. I thought the readers of Mothers For Women’s Lib might like to read it and hopefully join in the conversation!

This is a guest post from Rebecca Asher, who has asked me to post her call-out for experiences of lesbian couples with children.

Writer would like to talk to lesbian couples with children about their expectations of parenting – and the reality

How did you expect to manage the childcare in your household before you had children? And how has it worked out? How do you combine looking after children with the other things in your life? Are you happy with the amount of childcare that you do or do you feel that you do more than your fair share – or too little?

I am writing a book for the Random House imprint, Harvill Secker, about how parents balance raising children with other aspects of their lives; how child care is shared between parents; and the extent to which this has changed in recent decades. I have been speaking to parents around the UK about these issues and I would be delighted to hear from you if you would like to find out more.  It would involve a chat on the phone and what I write will not identify you. I am a professional journalist with over fifteen years’ experience and am happy to answer any questions you might have.

Please email me at rebecca DOT asher AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk with your contact details and I will get in touch. I do hope to hear from you soon.

Welcome to the eleventh edition of the newly two-monthly Carnival of Feminist Parenting. It looks like my decision to make it two-monthly – and the hard work of readers plugging it in their own blogs – has paid off, because I’ve had lots of submissions for this edition!

If you submitted an article or blog post which isn’t included in today’s carnival (and which wasn’t a spam submission!) please let me know as I think some of the submissions got lost when I switched the carnival from monthly to two-monthly.

So here it is. Many, many thanks to Earwicga for her help in putting this together, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you! The first half was compiled by me (Anji) and the second half by Earwicga. I hope you enjoy it!

Pregnancy and Childbirth

  • The Unnecesarean explains Why VBACs Should Be the Norm, Not the Deviant Care Pattern,detailing her horrible experiences with unnecessary caesareans and her attempts to have VBACs which were foiled by anti-VBAC medical professionals.
  • Fertile Feminism has a post titled Selling out on the postnatal ward, about how advertising has permeated those first precious few moments with one’s baby, in particular the problematic allowing of ‘Bounty ladies’ to roam the postnatal ward peddling their wares and coercing women to give up personal details.
  • The Unnecesarean talks about Good Little Girls, in a post explaining why so many women don’t fight for their birthing rights, because we have been taught from a very young age not to make a fuss or be a ‘troublemaker’.
  • Amy Gates writes For Better or For Worse? Childbirth in Popular Culture, about the problematic way in which childbirth is portrayed in the media, and how that portrayal affects women’s beliefs and expectations surrounding it.
  • In Secret Oppression: Epidurals, Mamapoekie talks about epidurals as a feminist issue and explaining why she thinks that in most cases epidurals are unnecessary and presenting her case for an epidural-free birth experience.
  • Courtroom Mama asks Why is VBAC a vital option? Because anything less is anti-woman, explaining that “VBAC bans” in hospitals are an example of society having no trust in women to make the right decisions regarding their own bodies.
  • Molly Westerman writes Manly Men and Blundering Dads: On Men’s Guides to Childbirth, about the stereotypes that plague new fathers, specifically the ones presented in books aimed at men whose partners are pregnant or who have young babies.
  • In When fighting rape culture means changing birth culture, Spilt Milk talks about how society creates a culture where birth rape is acceptable.

Breastfeeding

Sexualisation and Rape Culture

News and Media

  • PhD in Parenting writes All I think about is princesses… where she sets a challenge for Disney, discussing how Disney has ‘rebranded Rapunzel to appeal to boys’ and asking them to rethink their strategies.
  • Veronica has a post titled Women’s History Month: Why I love Ariel & Belle, discussing the least ‘princessy’ of the Disney princesses.
  • In TV for feminist kids, An “Other” Mother talks about the pros and cons of children’s television and the programmes she has approved for her daughter.
  • Elena Perez writes a review of the film How to Train Your Dragon from a feminist perspective, and it’s positive! I saw this film myself (twice!) and I have to say I agree with her on pretty much every point and would be happy to show this film to my young son.
  • Pissweak Parent writes about The other taboo topic and marketing mania, a discussion about parenting as a taboo topic of conversation and talking about the problem of the advertising aimed at parents.

Reproductive Rights

  • In Woman as womb, Julie discusses the reduction of women’s worth and interestingness to nothing but their reproductive capability and how especially when pregnant, people seem interested in nothing more than what’s in their wombs.

Work Choices

  • Jaelithe writes about the pain of children and mothers who spend days apart due to paid work, and applies some wonderful logic to this situation in To My Friends Who Work Outside the Home.
  • Society’s supposed opposite option to full time working parent(s) is discussed by Maman a Droit in Staying At Home: A Valid Choice, in which she discusses how women who are able to choose to bring up their children full-time are dismissed by society and shamefully by other women.
  • In When mothering isn’t work? Pissweak Parent outlines the bizarre notion that taking care of your own child isn’t work and it only becomes work when a third-party does the job with the requisite money transfer.
  • Spilt Milk takes a subject that I have always wondered about – how parents (in this case mothers) leave young children to go on reality shows – and teases out some issues. In Dishing it out the decision of a contestant, Sarah, to leave a show and the consequent ‘vicious criticism’ is shown rightly to be utterly sexist, hypocritical and unfair.

Relationships

  • Only one entry in this section but it is a pure delight to read so heartfelt thanks to the submitter/Anji who found this article for the Carnival. Christina Campbell in Single Mothers Trashed For Not “Choosing” to Marry takes a Daily Mail article, which par for the course has great scope for criticism. Campbell decodes the language used surrounding welfare for single parents and other forms of welfare which have different names, such as ‘tax breaks’. Lots of good links too!

Teaching and Education

Gender and Stereotyping

  • Have a think about what “Mom Idol” could mean – how wonderful it could be – and then click into this post written by Saraline Grenier. A clever little post that I just know will keep me thinking throughout this week.
  • In Reconciling the primacy of motherhood with the rejection of binary gender, Elizabeth Willmott Harrop tries to understand her dilemma between gender and biological sex and the consequent ‘fundamental behavioural differences’ in the context of breast feeding and biological ‘programming’.
  • Pissweak Parent makes another appearance this Carnival with The ins and outs of gender politics, with a four year old in which a tantrum opens an opportunity to explain to a four year old (obviously) a version of feminism’s views/theories on clothing and gender.
  • Melissa McEwan’s I Write Letters is a letter to parents to reject the reductive terms ‘she’s all girl’ or ‘he’s all boy’ and is partially successful, actually very successful in explaining this. But, to my eyes this post is also a great big fail when you consider transgender and gender dysphoric children, which I don’t think this post, or McEwan does. You may disagree but go read it with the knowledge that these children exist. They exist everywhere and you will know them. But they may not know how to explain it to themselves, let alone you. I was particularly struck with a fact that Natacha Kennedy blogged – trans children do not learn any language surrounding transgenderism for an average of seven and a half years after their initial realisation of being trans.

Race and Racism

  • Renee Martin provides the actual opposite of People magazine in Sandra Bullock and her Secret Baby. Stirring and strong!
  • A follow up post on the same blog, Motherhood and Homelessness, exposes the realities of motherhood and reproductive choices for young poor women who are statistically more likely to be women of colour. Renee’s words are elequently backed up by Katerina Cizek’s short film Unexpected which introduced me to the term ‘Only Parent’ describing my life way more than the term ‘Single Parent’!

Mother’s Rights

  • Ghost in the Dwelling written by Dw3t-Hthr is a personal post describing how it feels to have other people’s ideas of the label of ‘Mother’ forced onto the author, and the anger it can engender in particular to her own mother where the experience is very different and isn’t seem to be at all helpful.

That concludes this edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting. The next edition will be in two months’ time on Sunday 11th July 2010. Submit your blog article (or one by someone else!) to the next edition using our carnival submission form or in an @ reply on Twitter to @m4wl. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our carnival home page.

As I am receiving so few submissions for the Carnival of Feminist Parenting, I am considering changing it to a two-monthly Carnival (six per year) instead of the current monthly one. Thus this month’s carnival is not happening – there were very, very few submissions – and I will be trying to publicise it a lot more than I have been, in the hope that people will submit more articles.

The next Carnival of Feminist Parenting will be held on Sunday 16th May 2010. Submission deadline is Sunday 9th May 2010.

If anyone has any ideas on how I can better publicise the Carnival, please do comment here or email me!

Welcome to the tenth edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting. A very happy Mother’s Day to all our readers in the UK, I hope you’re having a lovely day.
It’s a very short Carnival this month, as there haven’t been many submissions (well, from people who aren’t me anyway!) but this is a good thing today as I’ve been off this afternoon visiting my dear Mum and want to go to bed soon! ;)

  • AnneE presents “Working mums” can’t win, a brilliant take-down of an article written about flexitime including some choice quotes from a woman who seems to equate having children with expensive outdoor hobbies.
  • In The very gendered baby, Blue Milk discusses her inbuilt gender stereotyping problems and how they manifest in her different choices in how to dress her daughter and her son.
  • Liz has a slightly angrier post titled, appropriately, Warning: I’m angry, also discussing teen/young pregnancy and asking how its detractors intend to stop it happening.
  • Roxann Mitjoy writes about the Pregnant Iowa Woman Arrested for Falling Down, the terrifying story of Christine Taylor who was detained for two days “for admitting to thinking about an abortion at some point early in her pregnancy and then having the audacity to fall down some stairs a couple of months later.”
  • Fertile Feminism presents Getting it, talking about well known feminist/Fat Acceptance blogger Kate Harding and imploring her to understand the parallels between the FA/HAES movement and that of children’s rights.
  • Megan has a guest post at the F-Word titled Contraception and Control – Teenage Rights, discussing the rights of teenagers to good sex education and access to contraception and emergency contraception, and above all the right to control over their own bodies.
  • The Unnecesarean presents Too Polite to Fight, talking about “a cousin of the “Too Posh to Push” archetype”.

Thanks for reading, folks. The next edition will be Sunday 11th April with a submission deadline of Sunday 4th April. Submit your (or someone else’s) blog article to the next edition by using our carnival submission form or sending the URL in an @ reply to @m4wl on Twitter. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival home page.

Welcome to the ninth edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting. Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you who are celebrating it today! I’ve come to the realisation that I’m not very good at writing these introductions to the Carnival, so I might as well get right on and present this month’s submissions!

Pregnancy and Birth

Breastfeeding

  • In Covering up is a feminist issue, PhDinParenting writes about the insistence by certain people that breastfeeding mothers ‘cover up’, and why this is an issue for all feminists, not just mothers.

Adoption

Education

Sex Education

Disability

  • In Do you REALLY trust women? AmandaW talks about the problematic lack of intersection between disabled rights and the pro-choice movement, specifically the problems with disabled parenthood/childhood.

Violence Against Women

Race

Body Image

Gender Stereotypes

Natural Parenting

  • Woman, Uncensored has a post titled “Just let her cry” drawing a parallel between the ‘cry it out’ parenting method and what we’d think if someone treated a sick or disabled adult in the same way.

Mothers’ and Children’s Rights

Teaching Equality

  • In Quantity time, Spilt Milk writes about how doing the ‘boring bits’ of parenting can be just as important for bonding with your child as doing the ‘fun bits’ is.
  • Horry reminds us that Some mothers actually like bacon sandwiches, talking about her experiences of being a working mother and how that differs in people’s perceptions from being a working father.
  • In Voices Of Men, CJ talks about how we teach our children, both male and female, about domestic violence.

That concludes this edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting. The next edition will be Sunday 14th March with a submission deadline of Sunday 7th March. Submit your (or someone else’s) blog article to the next edition by using our carnival submission form or sending the URL in an @ reply to @m4wl on Twitter. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival home page.

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